Cancer Shock
A Ready Lap
I was only 22 when my father told me that his cancer had returned – worse than before. We had believed he was defeated, that the treatment had worked. CT scans had given us hope; in my prayer group, I had shared the good news, and everyone had cheered.
An Unexpected Setback
But the illness was back. This time, there was no prospect of healing. The news made me feel not twenty-two, but six years old, and I climbed onto my father's lap to confess my fears. He admitted that he was scared too.
A Graceful Farewell
The future was uncertain. The fight for more years seemed lost. What would the transition from this life to eternal life bring? Many of you know. I can only say that the next five months were painful, challenging, and full of grace. Yes, I can tell you that. And also that his last barely audible, yet clearly understood words to me were: 'I love you.'
Finding Support in Uncertain Times
Holy words that I keep in my heart. Today, I stand before an uncertain future. I am fifty-four years old, and although I am not facing an illness that haunts a loved one, I do not know what lies ahead. Sometimes I still feel like I’m twenty-two, even six. The winds of change are blowing, and change often feels like loss. I long to climb onto my father's lap and confess my fears.
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Finding Comfort in Prayer
So I do this in my mind, in prayer. Perhaps you have a father to whom you can share your feelings. Perhaps you do not. But whether you have a father you can see, feel, and trust, or like me, you do not, we all have a good and trustworthy Father who is waiting for us. He understands, he cares. His arms are open to us, his lap is ready to receive us. Even when we do not know what is coming, he does. Even when I often feel uncertain or anxious, he is never so.
Cradled in God's Arms
Today, I climb into his lap in my thoughts. And I will not get down until I am ready. But even then, I will be held in every moment of this day and the unknown future. I am held for the rest of my life. And so are you.