When Your Marriage Feels Like Just Another Item on the To-Do List

The Challenges of Everyday Life

After over 35 years of marriage and three adult children, my husband and I find ourselves in a new phase of our life and love. Our children came quickly one after another, and with them, the list of daily tasks grew. My husband was the primary breadwinner while I took care of the children and the household. The demands were high, and often it felt like we were just functioning.

During those years, our life was characterized by a constant back and forth. The kids had to be taken to school, homework had to be done, and weekends were often filled with sports events and music lessons. Meanwhile, we had to manage everyday household tasks and keep an eye on our finances. My husband worked hard to secure our financial future, and I tried to support him by managing everything else.

There were days when we hardly saw each other because each of us was so engrossed in our own tasks. Evenings often ended in exhaustion, and our conversations were limited to the essentials. Yet, despite these challenges, we held onto our faith and continually sought moments to reconnect with each other.

Faith as an Anchor

When God called me into service, my husband was a great support. But that also brought new challenges. Alongside my work as a news researcher and analyst, time was tight. Nevertheless, we found stability and strength in our faith. Our marriage courses at church provided us with valuable moments of togetherness that we cherished like little treasures.

Our faith was often the thread that held us together when daily life threatened to tear us apart. Joint prayers and church visits helped us reorder our priorities and remember why we were walking this path together. We felt that God wanted to accompany us in our marriage and that we could rely on Him to overcome challenges.

In times when we felt particularly distant from each other, praying together helped us find our way back. These moments of silence and trust gave us the strength we needed to tackle daily challenges and support each other.

The Danger of Growing Apart

Over time, we realized that we had lost sight of each other. The many commitments led us to live alongside each other without truly being connected. But when our children left home and we had more time for ourselves, we recognized that we needed to revitalize our relationship.

We had focused so much on the needs of our children and our professional obligations that we had forgotten to invest in our relationship. Our conversations often revolved only around organizational matters, and the small gestures of affection fell by the wayside. It was time to take the reins and reconnect as a couple.

We recognized that, although we lived in the same house, we had become like roommates in many ways. Our paths ran parallel, but they rarely crossed. There was a quiet satisfaction that accompanied us, but we knew we wanted more. We wanted to regain the closeness and intimacy that had once brought us so much joy.

Rediscovering Intimacy

We began to consciously shape our time together. It was no longer just about physical closeness, but about the joy we found in each other's company. Simple things like a walk together or a cup of coffee became precious moments of connection. We remembered that God created marriage as the closest bond between two people.

Intimacy means more than physical closeness. It is the emotional connection that arises from shared experiences and conversations. We learned to appreciate the little things in everyday life and to notice each other again. These moments helped strengthen our bond and reignite our love.

We made a commitment to regularly reserve time for each other, whether through weekly date nights or spontaneous outings. These intentional breaks from daily life helped us renew our connection and remember the beginnings of our relationship when we were still freshly in love.

Practical Steps to Renew Your Marriage

• Maintain Communication: As described in the Song of Songs, exchanging thoughts and feelings is crucial. Set aside regular time for each other to talk without interruptions. These conversations should not only be superficial but also allow space for deeper topics that matter to both of you.
• Plan Shared Getaways: Schedule regular dates or short vacations. These times are valuable investments in your relationship and should be firmly marked on the calendar. A weekend together without distractions can work wonders and help you grow closer again.
• Resolve Conflicts: Use your time together to clear up misunderstandings. This prevents minor disagreements from developing into larger problems. It is important to be open and honest with each other and to address difficult topics.
• Pray Together: Pray and read the Bible together. These spiritual moments deepen your connection and renew your perspective. The shared pursuit of God's guidance can help you build your marriage on a solid foundation.
• Nurture Intimacy: Consciously take time for physical closeness. This strengthens your bond and is an expression of your love and devotion. Let physical closeness become an expression of your deep connection that goes far beyond the physical.

A New Beginning

Our marriage has gained a new depth and closeness through these conscious steps. We have learned that a fulfilling partnership is more than just getting tasks done. It is a journey we walk together with God, full of love, respect, and dedication. Let us see marriage for what it truly is: a gift from God meant to accompany us throughout our lives.

In this new phase of our lives, we have the opportunity to nurture and deepen our relationship. We are grateful for the challenges that have taught us what is truly important, and we look forward to the coming years in which we can continue to work on our love.